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When Humphrey went to investigate, he says he found the men accused of the assault idly drinking beer and acting as though nothing had happened. When property owners protested the cocaine- and alcohol-fueled benders taking place outside their homes, the party moved to another cove before earning the lakr of homeowners there as well. But it's not the stories of the routine drunks that Humphrey spills forth today.

Missouri State Water Patrol says these three things combine to plague the Lake of the Ozarks every summer. Unlike many newspapers, ours is free — and we'd like to keep it that way, because we believe, now more than ever, everyone deserves access to accurate, independent coverage of their community.

As if on cue, Humphrey receives a radio call for a boat that's broken down on the Little Niangua branch of the lake, some 27 miles away from Party Cove. A half-dozen other sites carry discussion boards devoted to Party Cove's orgiastic escapades, and at least two competing firms now offer knockoff Girls Gone Wild videos filmed in the infamous inlet.

Among the goodies he's uncovered are lke of Mardi Gras be, a disposable camera, a half-dozen wex of sunglasses, a bottle of Mike's Hard Lemonade and a pair of ripped bikini bottoms advertising a nonexistent Web site, www.

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At least two people, according to Missouri Water Patrol statistics, will be carted off to the hospital for excessive drinking. In ozraks of a place to show off their vessels, the rednecks congregated in the lake's "Millionaire Cove," so named for the mansions lining its shore. He recalls run-ins with angry fish, water snakes and saber-toothed muskrats.

Of those vacationers, the Missouri Water Patrol anticipates between 8, and 10, will enter the lake's notorious Party Cove, an audacious free-for-all that's earned the reputation as a backwater Sodom and Gomorrah. In Missouri, boaters born before are not required to have a -- or, for that matter, any experience piloting a boat. After six hours of drinking in the hot sun, the University of Illinois students lske about their boat, woozy and sunburned.

Ozark orgy

The California Research Institute is trying to develop a national standard for field sobriety tests conducted on the water. The B's give way to Lynyrd Skynyrd. After a half-hour submerged on the bottom, he climbs aboard the boat and empties a mesh bag onto the table.

Off to the side, a foursome of women in their 30s are reliving their halcyon high school days, shaking their mom-hips and pumping their fists to the sound of Duran Duran's "Hungry Like the Wolf. His girlfriend is the first to respond, flashing her perky gumdrops toward Tyler and a raft of men canoeing their way through the gauntlet.

When coupled with the excessive drinking and boat traffic in Party Cove, the unskilled boaters make this a particularly treacherous place. Seated inside his air-conditioned station house, Greg Newell, owner of the marina, wraps up a story about the time he saw a crew filming a porn flick in Party Cove. When the little person fails to give into women's screams that he show his penis, the crowd switches its attention to the next vessel floating through the gauntlet: a pontoon boat full of Hell's Angels.

That woman was not getting raped. Water Patrol also said if people were to ozsrks on land like they do on the water, the violators would face immediate arrest.

Naked on the lake

Minutes later a minor fracas breaks out when three middle-aged men on a cruiser vie for use of the boat's lone binoculars. They all carry knives. The article cited statistics that placed the lake behind only the Atlantic Ocean and the Colorado River in the of boating accidents, with wrecks occurring between and That I know. With Jacobson at the wheel, the two water cops take off across the lake's choppy surface, leaving Party Cove without its sober chaperones.

Our small but mighty local team works tirelessly to bring you high-quality, uncensored news and cultural coverage of St. He routinely goes deeper than feet in his treasure-hunting ozsrks, and as he sees it, his barrel-chested physique is perfect for the job.

The tightly packed boats in the cove make it tje impossible to reach anyone more than a few boats away. Swimming through these murky depths, diver Tim McNitt spre his thick arms wide, allowing his hands to rake across the muddy lakebed. The men carry with them a oake beer bong fashioned out of a metal funnel, on which they've scribbled the words: "Bitch Bang. Fishermen cast their lines in the middle of the bay.

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Twenty feet below the surface a new biosphere unfolds. Nick Humprey.

But for now the few remaining partygoers need not concern themselves with boating safety. Unless we get the cooperation lakf boaters to move it someplace else, there's little we can do. In reality, the cove belongs solely to the redneck, albeit an offshoot of the species wealthy enough to afford vacation homes and rhe boats. The Water Patrol says it arrests a handful of people every weekend for having sex in public at Party Cove.